This last month, we’ve focused heavily on one overarching subject: giving people a blueprint of how we could shrink the size of government on both the federal and state levels. I decided to take a one-week hiatus from the subject to discuss something more cultural. This topic will offend people. Outlets tend to favor one side more than the other such that even conservatives, both secular and religious, may have subconsciously adopted this paradigm. The title speaks for itself, so I’m not going to prolong the obvious—but let’s talk dating.
There was a recent Instagram post that made headway on mainstream outlets, mocking a dating app that was designed to help social conservatives date like-minded people. The liberal establishment mostly took issue with fact that the spokesperson and creators mocked gender pronouns. That, of course, got universal approval from conservative circles; however, there is one aspect that may have splintered the base: the app allows women to have the premium subscription for free, so long as they invite others who join due to their invitation. Men, on the other hand, have to pay $10 for the subscription. At first glance, there doesn’t seem to be much of an incentive for the man to participate, unless he views the opportunity to meet a like-minded woman as a sufficient tradeoff by itself. Of course, principally speaking, it’s promoting chivalry; however, when thinking about the principles of dating, the conversation in the 21st century typically revolves around the code of honor men should abide by. Mothers and fathers alike teach their daughters to observe practical things from her man in the beginning stages of dating—such as opening the door for her, knocking at the door, possibly bringing her flowers, etc. The debate of what’s necessary or not within this code still rages on, even among male circles. That said, does this exist with women?
Let me reassure parents and women that I support chivalry. I practice it myself, as my mother instilled it in me very early on, given that it’s important in Hispanic cultures. (I’ve even picked up some new tips, such as walking on the outside of the sidewalk when next to a road.) That’s not what is being questioned. What is being questioned is, where does the conversation of a “code of honor” exist among women? Here’s the thing—there have been plenty of influencers, both liberal and conservative women, who make statements like, “If the man just treated her with respect, he’d receive that love and affirmation in return”; to which I say, great! Unfortunately, there have been too many scenarios where the man’s efforts become one-sided. It’s not uncommon at all; in fact, it’s a possibility that this could be a factor in why the idea of marriage is becoming less attractive to men. Why invest in a woman that berates, belittles or dismisses a man’s thoughts and efforts? If you go to the Instagram post that was mentioned earlier, there will be comments from women berating men for even challenging the fairness of being the only ones who have to pay a premium. There will be women who identify as socially conservative that will read this article as an attack on them, and be tempted to belittle or berate the author for provoking this thought—maybe even going as far to say this is the article of a “beta male.” Thus, does the idea of the man needing to “show respect first in order to receive that affirmation in return” hold merit?
The reality is that both parties need to be showing respect at all times. It shouldn’t be a matter of conditions regarding whether he gives the effort first or not, if the opposite sex doesn’t at least encourage him to continue or initiate. The man leads the pursuit, but a code of honor exists among men to reassure their women that they are loved and valued—it’s called chivalry. Men, and certainly women, preach the importance of men abiding by this code; yet what does that look like for women? Mothers and fathers, what actions would you tell your sons to look for in the beginning stages of dating to give reassurance that their pursuit is being valued? I’m not suggesting that women need to start buying men flowers (no shade to those who do); however, if your daughters aren’t sending clear signals that they at least like the men, then there shouldn’t be much of a surprise when the men decide to stop their pursuit. Yes, the criticisms about men’s approach to dating in modern times hold merit; however, they are not the only ones at fault.
The incentive the app gives men is that they can get access to “exclusive” events, which could translate into a possible free date for him and his lady. Thus, men are paying a total of $10 for the date, because of the premium—not a bad incentive in this economy. Perhaps mothers and fathers can advise their sons to see how she orders in a restaurant; does she go for the most expensive item on the menu, like he is her bank account? Is that a fair starting point for women to begin creating this dialogue on how to keep their men? Men also find attraction in a principled woman.
Author’s Note: Anything underlined is a link for you to click on if desired. Readers are encouraged to educate themselves and seek other sources for information. Additionally, please share this with friends and family members, along with hitting the “Like” button to reach more people!